Sanjukta Das

At the crossroads of life
When choices unfurl
And perplexing uncertainty cloaks my thoughts
Shadows of a dark pain swirl.
 
Amidst the churning anguish
My sorrows spin and whirl
And reality gets blurred
Yet in the midst of the turbulent whirl
I seek feverishly for a light.
 
Behind the mask of bravery I hide
Adorning myself with a smiling face
While anguishing turmoil resides inside.
And the reality is a blur.
 
I feign strength
Revealing my truth only to the light within
Struggling to maintain composure
To see the day through
I face the night embracing a miragelike hope anew.
 
All I do is to project courage
Despite the dark inner strife
To prevent further burden on those I hold dear in life.
And I am scared because my reality is a blur.
 
I occupy my mind
Focusing on tasks at hand
I write
I hang out with friends
Yet as night falls
The weariness and pain make their own demands.
Yearning for a respite
A moment of relief
I scroll my cell phone reels
Visit Netflix.
Nothing works.
I know deep within
This anguish will not be brief.
 
Like you, I too know
The lessons hardship imparts
Yet all the understanding fails to ease
The churning ache in my heart
Making the beautiful a quiet blur.
 
Acknowledging the complexity of this unbearable pain
Knowing each trial leaves a unique and lasting pain
Again and again I am teaching myself
To accept without hesitation or debate
“It’s okay not to be okay,”
A mantra I have imparted to many
Devoid of judgment’s weight.
 
In a world dazzled with relentless positivity
I tread cautiously
Wary of its potential toxicity
For genuine support transcends mere words of cheer.
 
Embracing pain
And it’s acute vulnerability
Acknowledging the fear
This acute pain imparts
I look for light within.
As every light outside is a blur.
 
A pain is a pain
Silent and profound
Invisible are its tentacles
Weaving all around
It whispers it’s presence softly
Yet screams within
An echo of twists and turns of karma unknown
Where struggles begin.
 
I search for a calming light within
As everything outside is a blur.